online dating.

01Dec09

i just signed up for match.com. let the games begin.

ps: lack of updates because i’ve been in a self-reflective mood. hence now spending $16/month to look at online profiles of potential suitors.

pss: diet cranberry juice is still asking me out. i may or may have not told him that i’d go to vegas with him for new years.

psss: seven year itch is telling people that i’m crazy and am still obsessed with him.

pssss: new years eve told me last weekend that he doesn’t even like the girl he’s sleeping with.

Filed under: diet cranberry juice, match.com, new years eve, seven year itch   |  Leave a Comment

seal of approval.

15Nov09

20 years down the line, i’m glad i’ll have this blog to look back at the ridiculous things that happened to me in my 20s. cause really, you can’t make any of this shit up.

last night i was out at this awesome speakeasy bar in nyc for junior high‘s bf’s bday. i didn’t drink at all because i had the stomach flu randomly early friday morning. it was awful. everyone kept telling me that alcohol kills germs, but alcohol also makes people vom. i stayed away.

i was talking to nice jewish boy and he was reminiscing (something he is known for doing) about how his roommate, shit out of luck, really wanted to hook up with me at jh’s bday party. in conversation he told me that seven year itch gave sool his seal of approval to hook up with me.

first off he didn’t mean syi’s seal of approval like that, which is what i originally thought njb was getting at. he clarified that syi meant that sool should go for it because i’m a nice girl and totally dateable. interestingly enough, syi never wanted to date me seriously. what gives?!

and for what it’s worth, syi was never my boyfriend, so he has no right giving any one any kind of “seal of approval” when it comes to me. i get it, it’s like a dog and once he pisses on his territory, it’s “his.” but like the dead grass that’s leftover because of it, so is what we had.

Filed under: seven year itch   |  Leave a Comment

weddings.

11Nov09

hi blog. how are you? long time no talk. my apologies.

one of my roommates from college got married on sunday. it was weird. not for them – they’ve been dating since they were 14. (all together now: awwww) but it was weird for me to be emotionally attached to the person wearing the white dress. i just kept staring at her the whole day and was like, “she’s married.” i was sad. i was happy. i was confused. i was depressed.

i have a really hard time grasping the fact of committing yourself to one person for the rest of your life. this isn’t a slut thing at all – it’s just the thought of, wow, you love someone so much that you only want them in your life. you would die for this person, you would give them the world if you could. maybe it’s because i’ve never experienced that kind of emotion. it’s just mind boggling to me. like how do you know? i know they say you’ll know when it’s right – but why does it take longer for some? did i meet my “one and only” and not realize? did the moment pass me by? these are the things things that keep me awake at night.

i cry at weddings – all of them. real weddings, weddings on tv, even just the though of “here comes the bride.” but i didn’t cry on sunday. i think i was in a state of total shock. it was the weirdest thing for me. if you can’t tell i’m having a hard time describing it. i think it comes down to the fact that, not playing the drama queen card, but i think that the girl in the white dress will never be me.

i always joke that i want to elope. i think there is something very sexy about two people in love being secretive and getting married just for them. no hoopla, no fuss – just love. and an elvis impersonator.

but truth be told, i dream about having a wedding. i dream about wearing my perfect a-line off-white dress with christian louboutin heels and walking down the aisle at my grandpa’s church. i dream about seeing all my bridesmaids in dark red dresses holding bouquets of flowers in deep red, purple and pink, which, of course, echos the centerpieces that will be at my dream reception – at the chart house over looking the nyc skyline. there will be cute trendy foods like mini burgers and paninis and my husband and i will do our first dance to “just the way you are” by billy joel. the room will be dimly lit and the main source of lighting will be candles all over the room. the dj won’t hand out hokey things like glow necklaces and leis and will not play the macarena. we will dance the night away into the wee hours of the morning and the party will be so fab that it will continue on at the after party where we’ll all get into sweats and my husband and i will eventually sneak off… and fall asleep for the first time together as husband and wife.

hey, a girl can dream, can’t she?

Filed under: weddings   |  1 Comment

hot commodities.

01Nov09

my friend and i went to see the michael jackson movie on wednesday and beforehand we got dinner at california pizza kitchen. our waiter was this big greasy guy and was clearly flirting with us. my friend (blog nickname: jennifer goodbye) and i both noticed that the other waiters kept walking by our table and would stare at us. it was a total classic restaurant move – we would did it all the time at bennigans when someone had a hot guy at their table. all. the. time.

fast forward to the end of dinner and our waiter asked us what we were doing after dinner and then proceeded to ask us if we wanted to get drinks/watch the yankees game at fridays with some of the other waiters. he also wrote his phone number down on our receipt. he totally had it planned.

we had time to kill before the movie so we figured what the hell, might as well go for a free beer. we get to fridays and it wound up being just our waiter and another waiter who was also big and greasy. i wound up running into this guy i used to hook up with in college and was bsing with him for a good 10 minutes or so. always nice to see people from your past that you still get along with.

when i got back to the waiters, our waiter was talking to jg and his friend was trying to talk me up. he kept asking me to skip the movie and stay and watch the game. we bought our tickets a week ago – people who buy tickets in advance generally do not skip the movie. and then he bought me the large sized beer because he it would keep me at fridays longer. he was just super annoying. i wasn’t very nice to him. but thanks for the free beer – which i finished. (ps he was bragging that he knew everything about the old and new 90210. he wasn’t gay and doesn’t have sisters. i tested his knowledge and he knew more than i did. i think he was trying to impress me with that. it actually did the polar opposite.)

jg turned to me at one point and told me that our waiter just told her that he’s a professional wrestler. so i asked him if he had a wrestling name. now clearly i don’t know anything about wrestling, but i figured that if terry bollea can be hulk hogan, than our waiter must be called something. his wrestling name was baby hughie. (yes, it’s real – not a blog nickname.)

he proceeded to tell us that he wore a diaper and used a pacifier as part of his schtick. his friend pulled up a picture on his blackberry. this is what we saw:

(obvs i added the text.)

jg and i could barely make it out of fridays before we busted out laughing.

ending note: baby hughie gave jg his number. she clearly had no intention of calling him. ever. the other guy knew better than to give me his number. two days later he emailed jg at her work email. we have no idea how he found it. my dad thinks baby hughie got it from my friends credit card slip.

update: baby hughie some how found out jg’s work email address and emailed her that he really enjoyed meeting her and hoped they could hang out again. we don’t know how he got her work email address – we think he looked at her credit card slip and got her last name. she proceeded to see him a week later at fridays again, not on purpose. she pretended she didn’t know him.

Filed under: crushes, she's just not that into you   |  Leave a Comment

“he clearly has the hots for you”

27Oct09

(title courtesy of one of my best friends.)

i was planning on writing a brief history about me and diet cranberry juice‘s relationship today per he’s been coming up a lot in conversation, but there was a slight change in plans when dcj decided to randomly ask me out on a date today.

and he was serious.

to keep it brief, there are a few things you need to know about mine and dcj’s history:

-i’ve known him since i was 15

-we kissed once drunkenly in atlantic city about two years ago at seven year itch‘s birthday. the only reason we kissed is because i wanted him to “save me” from being molested by syi. ironically syi also kissed me that night and it was the beginning of two constant years of hooking up.

-oh yeah, syi is one of dcj’s best friends

-dcj comes in and out of my life when he doesn’t have a gf. he knows how i feel about this and i’ve learned to except it

-he normally dates girls who are younger than him with little self-confidence and he belittles them. i am none of those things

-our relationship is based on joking and flirting. we’ve been acting the same way towards each other for 10 years

but today at 3:09 pm, it all changed.

this would be the perfect opportunity to do a good ‘ol cut and paste of our gchat conversation, but it’s too long. the jist – he plain and simple asked me out on a date. i thought, for obvious reasons, he was joking. we always joke about this kind of stuff. he proceeded to try to convince me that 1) he was serious and 2) that we should go on a date… for the next three hours… and then for another two hours through text messages.

i didn’t want to use the “n” word (that would being “no”) because even a bitch like me has a heart. but i also didn’t want to give him the wrong impression. i kept dodging his questions or would not answer for a few minutes or would make up some weird excuse like “i don’t want to be your rebound chick,” but nothing worked. i’ll give him that – the boy is persistent.

this just proves that guys and girls can’t be just friends. and that was always our thing! besides our brief kiss, we (or at least i) prided ourselves on just always being bffs. i should have seen it coming. there were warning signs last week when he told me that i was awesome. i whole heartedly believed at that time that he was just being a good friend. today he told me that yes he was being a good friend, but that he was also inferring that he liked me.

we went out to see paranormal activity and get drinks on saturday night. i paid for myself. it wasn’t a date. we’ve done that 1,000 times before. but when he drove me back to my car at the movie theater he asked if i wanted to make out and i quickly said no. but again, he’s always been saying that stuff to me jokingly. did he mean it on saturday night? blech.

and there is the syi factor. dcj does not know the extent of what went on between syi and i. no one does. it’s really no one’s business. and i realize guys don’t tend to care about this kind of stuff, but honestly, would dcj really want to go out with a girl that syi told he loved not that long ago? (more on that at another time.)

i’m not too sure where to go from this. do i want to go on a date with him? absolutely not. am i attracted to him? nope. (dcj claims we’re attracted to each other mentally and physically.) do i feel like at the end of all this i will have to go on a date with him simply based on peer pressure? yep. did he basically f**k everything up today by asking me out? sure. is he going to try to pretend that everything will be normal tomorrow? yes. will i think it is? hell no.

(ps: yes i realize a date is no big deal, but i don’t want to open a can of worms when i know nothing will come out of it. we’ve been friends for too long to have it come down to this.)

Filed under: crushes, diet cranberry juice   |  Leave a Comment

self-loathing.

26Oct09

this entry is by no means your invitation to my pity party. i just think there comes a point where you need to sit down and reflect on yourself, your flaws, and how you can improve them. for the past week, to be honest, i’ve been kinda depressed, not in the best of moods, and trying to figure out why i’m having such a hard time meeting a nice guy. i do this every now and again – it passes. but now i have a blog to write about it in. but i had to take a break from this to gather my thoughts completely, hence no blogs in a week.

(and quite frankly, i also want to clear the air that despite writing about my crazy men experiences, my life is very boring. this past weekend i did my favorite thing in the world – nothing. it was marvelous.)

i have a lot of theories about myself. based on realities? maybe. do i have solid evidence? not at all. these are just some of the reasons i think why i can’t keep a man.

1. i’m a bad kisser. there have only been a few incidents where i have actually hooked up with a guy more than once. i tend to see guys i have hooked up with in the past and the next time they see me after the incident, they want nothing to do with me. if this happened once, i’d be like okay, whatever. but i can count on more than one hand the times this has happened.

2. i’m forgettable. i’ve said this before – i don’t think people remember me and i tend to just blend in with the crowd. i’m okay with that to an extent. but when i’ve shared conversation with you for a while or spent an extraordinary amount of time with you, i don’t think it’s too much to ask for you to remember my face. i am literally reintroduced to the same people over and over again. another element to being forgettable is just that – people forgetting to invite you to things. this has happened to me all my life. i always get second-rate invites or no invites at all and then people go to me “where were you?” umm i didn’t know, asshole. as i’m getting older i’ve started to take a stand against people who forget about me – but it always comes back and nips me in the butt. i can’t win.

3. i’m intimidating. diet cranberry juice told me once that i can’t get a bf because i hold all men up to the celebrities that i meet. he couldn’t be farther from the truth. in fact, over the years i’ve learned not to even tell guys when i first meet them about my job. you literally have to play 20 questions with me cause for some reason that i sorta get, guys get super-weird when i mention to them that i interview celebs for a living (ps teenage celebs – really?!).

4. i’m a slut. kissing slut, maybe – i’ll give you that. but i can count the number of guys i’ve slept with on one hand. i was a virgin until i was 21. and really, i only kiss guys now that i actually know. there’s a running joke with my group of friends on who will be the next guy i’ll kiss. some people would be offended – i just laughed at it. it’s funny, i get it. you try being single.

5. i’m not attractive. i lost a lot of weight with in the past few years. i’m by no means skinny (could def afford to lose a few more lbs), but just naturally as your body changes, so does your confidence. for me, it was confidence with guys. i won’t totally shy away like i used to or make out with the first guy who gave me attention, no matter who he is. but there are times i look in the mirror and still see that same lonely girl that i was two years ago. i’ve been seeing her a lot lately.

6. i let things roll off my shoulders too quickly. this is the one i know is a fact. i can’t tell you how many times i’ve deleted the phrase “but i didn’t care” from my blog entries and still some make the cut! i need to learn to grow a set and actually man-up for things i believe in. i’m not talking about starting arguments, but if mr. new years wants to try to get with me again, i need to tell him “you hurt me. no.” instead of, “oh let’s try this one more time!” i’m a pushover. i get it from my mom. i yell at her all the time for this trait.

7. i can’t figure this one out, but there must be some reason why people won’t set me up. i’d like to think i have a good personality. i have a good job. i think i’m not entirely psycho. i may not be a beauty queen but WHY WON’T PEOPLE SET ME UP?! all my friends set their other friends up. i don’t get it! this actually infuriates me. it has nothing to do with the fact about getting a date, it has more to do with the fact that when my friends know a single guy, they’ll think of someone else to set him up with besides me. i’ve been set up once – and i ended up dating the guy. the last time i tried to be set up, the person who set me and this guy up also talked up her other friend to him during the same night.

your turn: what do you not like about yourself? do you have any crazy theories like i do?

Filed under: self discovery   |  1 Comment

i was just psychoanalyzed – accurately!

18Oct09

this just in – a direct aim conversation i’m currently having with diet cranberry juice. we’re talking about why i keep going back to mr. new years:

but this is my point about you
you click with other people
you focus on being hurt so you can play it off like you dont care you silly tool
you pick the thing that will least likely work
this guy is a flake, not that into you, and will more than likely hurt you if he did come about

he continued..

ok so let me tell you what i seriously think
you are an awesome person, and truthfully you should raise your standards 10 fold b/c you can do better than teh trash you keep trying to pull in. when i look for relationships, even on this stupid site that i’m semi-obsessed with i look for people like you. you have a great personality, have a great sense of humor and should give yourself more credit
you focus on tools b/c you put a wall up and your defenses make you do that so you dont get close to someone so you dont get hurt

he’s absolutely right.

Filed under: self discovery   |  Leave a Comment

seinfeld curse, take two.

17Oct09

during the rutgers game i found out that it was yet another friend’s bday and that we were all gonna go out in new brunswick after the game. (ps the birthday boy never showed up.)

we get to the bar and the first person i see is mr. new years. for some reason it didn’t occur to me that he would be there. i don’t know why – he’s really good friends with the bday boy.

now just days after my big seinfeld curse revelation – i found my theory coming even more to life. i ended up talking to nye one-on-one for over a half hour, easily. we talked about everything from music to jobs to movies. every time one of us would mention someone/thing we’re a fan of, the other would go, “i love them too!” we only disagreed on one thing – nye loves the song “you’re beautiful” by james blunt. his voice makes me want to slit my wrists.

brace yourself for the craziest revelation of them all…

i took the day off yesterday and stumbled across one of my favorite childhood movies on tv, pee-wee’s big adventure. (ps upon reflection, what a f*cked up movie. i actually called my mom and yelled at her for letting me watch it as a kid.) so i was telling nye this and he tells me he had two favorite movies growing up. before he said them, i thought, “he’s gonna say follow that bird,” which was my absolute favorite movie growing up. and shit you not, he goes “follow that bird and dumbo.” i literally screamed at him. i’ve never met ANYONE who loves that movie as much as i did. swear. we were both taken aback by that situation.

i told him that i own it on dvd and he was like, “we have to watch it!” i told him i didn’t believe that that would ever happen because as we all know, he never follows through on his promises to me to hang out.

he told me that he is going to make a facebook status about follow that bird, and if i click the “like” button, we would hang out. he is facebook obsessed, i’ve told you that. i rarely click the “like” button on anything – i’m just not that passionate.

this is what he wrote on his status: “just found out ‘follow that bird is on dvd’ and is totally psyched!!!!” about a good half hour later i clicked the “like” button and commented “best movie ever.” and then he commented “+1.” i have NO idea what the “+1″ is all about.

but i figured i had nothing to lose when it comes to him anymore, so i wrote him a fb message, “ps now the ball’s in your court, sketch.” (he was saying all night that he was becoming sketchier and sketchier as he got older.) seemed pretty self-explanatory to me. but to nye, not so much. he wrote back, “what does that even mean?”

ummmm…

so after a lot of mulling i had two options 1) i could ignore the message and pretend it never happened or 2) answer it and be honest. i chose #2. i talked to a few friends and decided to write “i held up my end of our follow that bird bargain (i NEVER click the “like” button haha), now it’s time for you to hold up on yours…”

he hasn’t answered yet. i honestly don’t expect him to. and i’ll see him again. we’ll flirt and pretend like nothing ever happened. i’m pretty sure things will always be that way with him and i. i should just learn to except it.

but it’s hard.

Filed under: new years eve, seinfeld curse   |  Leave a Comment

flattered, really.

17Oct09

i never thought a guy wanting to stay away from me could ever mean anything good – until yesterday.

i was eating diner with junior high and we were talking about this picture, that i was tagged in on facebook:

that’s me talking to one night stand at jh’s birthday party. (yes i blurred it – it’s not fair to people who don’t know about this blog that i’m talking about them.) it looks like i’m whispering sweet nothings in his ear. yes, i was flirting with him, i won’t deny that, but it was loud at the bar – doesn’t everyone lean in to talk to people? regardless, the picture looks a lot worse than the actual situation.

in the midst of our conversation, jh said to me, “you know ons told all his friends to keep him away from you?” she went on to tell me that ons told all our mutual friends that if they were to see him talking to me, to pull him away because he cant’ resist me and will basically cheat on his girlfriend. LOL! literally, i’ve never been more flattered in my life.

Filed under: ego boost, one night stand   |  Leave a Comment

the seinfeld curse.

15Oct09

there is an episode of seinfeld that always sticks out in my mind when it comes to dating. jerry was dating jeannie steinman, played by janeane garofalo, who played his opposite-gender equivalent. they had the same initials, like cereal for dinner, loved superman, etc… jerry thought she was his one true love and he even proposed. but at the same time, they also decided that they hated each other.

today i had an epiphany – mr. new years and i are the same person. besides the obvious traits like we are both stubborn, like sports, love boy meets world, hate letting people win, we both facebook stalk each other, and rarely admit when we’re wrong, he wrote something on his facebook status that is identical to a conversation i had with a friend on monday.

just go with me on this – my friend and i bought a bag of candy corn during lunch. we bought the harvest mix because she likes chocolate candy corn. i never had chocolate candy corn, so i tried it. and my life was changed. i literally said to her, “i’m never going back to real candy corn.”

this is what nye’s facebook status was this morning: “i‘ve always loved candy corn, but just had a few chocolate candy corns and they are officially my new obsession.”

yes, i realize this is entirely lame, but really, what are the chances?! for the longest time i’ve been trying to figure out why him and i never really worked out. i thought our similar interests was a shoe-in to relationship bliss. but i was wrong. it’s definitely a case of the seinfeld curse.

we are the same person. and i could never date myself. god, how boring would that be?! i like surprises, mystery, and spontaneity and there would definitely be none of that if i dated my opposite-gender equivalent. all we’d do is sit on the couch and watch food network and really bad reality shows all day long. snore.

do you think you can date someone who is exactly like you? have you even been a victim of the seinfeld curse?

Filed under: new years eve, seinfeld curse   |  1 Comment